Dear Reader,
Two years has gone by since my momma's passing. The pain has lessened and I have grown. I've learned a lot in writing her story just as I learned a lot writing about my own trauma. Stories do that... they help us heal.
Researching and writing my momma's story has been important to healing the trauma and grief I felt upon finding her in the hospital, the room smelling pungent, like that smell you hold your nose for when walking by a dead carcass in the woods.
You must think I'm kidding, or exaggerating, but I'm not in the least bit. Sunday May 23, 2021 her soul left her body. Tuesday, May 25, 2021 I was finally (allowed) in to "visit" her. How did the nurse NOT know she was dead?
Even I asked myself that... but they were all wearing masks, multiple masks... and mom was hooked to an air pump (ventilator), her chest rose and fell. It appeared she was alive... but those nurses didn't touch her skin; they were afraid. She was labeled "covid positive".
They didn't smell her like I did because they followed the protocols and wore their mask. But even I smelled her decaying body through the mask... THROUGH THE MASK. Of course I ripped that silly thing off when I realized she was gone.
So why didn't they know?? Or did they? Perhaps some staff did know. Like the doctor who said, "I'm sorry, she came in this way." Perhaps they were afraid to speak up.
Her story will be read, one day soon. It will make headlines. It will receive awards. It will be honored by world leaders who truly desire and are working towards world peace... for those truly wanting to end all pandemics.
And for those who still aren't confessing their secrets... they will face the gaze of many who will ask "Why? Why didn't you speak up??"
When that occurs... and it WILL... I ask one thing of you dear reader...
.....forgive them.
Stories are significant. Stories are opportunities to learn and to heal.. The ancient ones knew that, and it is why some Hawaiians still sit around today and talk story.
My momma, she never shared her stories with us kids. Whenever we asked about her younger years, her responses were very brief. She never liked talking about her younger years, When asking about our grandparents, even then there wasn't much to say. My grandpa was a farmer. Once he had a job pulling blocks of ice from the lake and he fell through and was hurt. I don't know much more about him other than that. He was my mom's father, but her older siblings all had a different father. She didn't talk much about all that, but I knew there was emotional pain in that story. Grandma knitted and went to church. She had a rose garden. She was quite old and had a great big button jar I enjoyed playing with. She would read to me from the Bible at night when mom was out. I don't recall where my siblings were when grandma read to me. Our family was...odd. Distant.
After she and my dad divorced, I think I was four or five, she held onto grief for years and years. Grief, suppressed emotions, not living life fully... leads to shallow breathing, and breathing problems... like "asthma"... then COPD. I guess the doctors have to call these symptoms something... but if people knew it was "grief" held in that caused this illness, it sure would be a whole lot easier to heal AND getting to the root cause would surly help keep sickness at bay.
Years of research and studies from authors in numerous fields have written about the emotional component to illness. Isn't it time we make it more widely known so people have a better chance of healing both the emotional body as well as the physical body?
Everyone deserves to live life to the fullest. Taking in life, following our heart's desires, doing the things that bring joy, laughing with family and friends, our loved ones, .. these are the things that keep us well and living life to the fullest. Stifled grief leads us to sickness.
I've dealt with the grief of mom's passing the best I knew how. Two years later, on and off fight or flight mode, has led me to where I am today. There's been a few "experiences" here and there that a doctor would want to qualify and name, gifting me a curse of some dreaded illness, but I prefer to manage my own symptoms from grief... and my remedies include: writing, meditating, crying, EFT, an occasional essential oil, traveling to beautiful places to help me experience joy... then crying and writing some more. Time with family and friends help take the edge off when visions and bad memories pop in. Gratitude for these people who have helped me also plays a part in healing. Compassion offered by a new friend, a hug from a child or grandchild, a call from a concerned neighbor are all part of a healing journey processing grief.
There's so much more to life than what we were taught. Life is truly a journey of discovery. My wish for you is that your heart heals from your losses, that you understand the connection between emotions and health, and you find the joy that makes life worthwhile!
Until next time, look up EFT for grief.
With love,
Gail lynn